It is his first responsibility to see to the needs of his wife and children, including the stepchild. Because if so, wasnt she stewing in her own filth then too? June 18, 2015, 10:02 am. And I do think there is a contradiction on the part of the LW in accepting support but being unwilling to return it in kind. Its one thing to say Look, I see youre living in very difficult circumstances, and that the stress of that is probably clouding your judgement. He never has time for you (even when he's home). . Imagine how shocking it is to hear some wives say, I hate my husband so much. What could be the reason for this statement, and what can you do? We made long-term goals together like engagement, marriage, kids, the whole 9. And we even asked a contractor about the possibility of putting in an internal door in the future just in case. How? June 18, 2015, 10:39 am. LW sounds like she is living in an abusive and unsanitary environment. Soooo I think that Husband promised to step in and take care of his mother. The message would be the same, but the approach could be a lot different. Understanding why you feel resentment in your marriage is the first step to understanding the full spectrum of emotions you harbor and deciding where your. He refuses even to consider counseling. Love is what we expect in a marriage, so a dislike for our spouse makes us anxious and stressed. June 18, 2015, 10:27 am. This is because this attitude of his not only spoils the mood of the people around him but it is also not the same as before. It does make me think the FIL has a point about her exaggerating safety issues as an excuse to try to get what she wants. As a result, you begin to project your fears on your husband and marriage. They can come several times a week and help the MIL take a bath, wash her hair and change clothes. One such situation might make you say, I hate my husband. The first step to solving this problem is knowing why you cant see eye-to-eye with your spouse. On top of all that, she has a bad memory and the worst judgment and I dont want my daughter or newborn to be around her. Maybe this means finding a duplex so people can have their own space, or helping MIL downsize to a place that is far more manageable and she can afford a cleaner once or twice a week. Are you stressed, frustrated, overwhelmed, or confused? something random I am always kind and civil and I do ask my husband how she is from time to time but I do not contact her in any way. The thing is if she wasnt happy she should have moved out. I walked around the corner into the kitchen and the knife was right there, almost touching me. June 18, 2015, 1:43 pm. My parents neglected my emotional needs consistently in favour of my more challenging sister. 5 Ways Lying Destroys Marriages, 15 Ways to Deal With an Unsupportive Partner During Pregnancy, 15 Ways to Know if Theres Enough Physical Intimacy in Your Relationship. We offend each other, but you will find it challenging to forgive someone who does it repeatedly and unapologetically. However, a husband attached to his mother at the hip might be more of a problem. Probably not the last. June 18, 2015, 2:09 pm. That could have been her husband too, though. It sounds like the son wants to collect her money and provide the care himself. I dont dispute she needs to change her attitude, but I also understand that the amount of stress shes under is perhaps making it difficult for her to see the situation clearly. Ultimately, your husband has to decide to change. Having a vagina does not automatically sign me up to take care of my husbands elderly mother or to act as his social secretary. Some wives say I hate living with my husband because he refuses to change some of his unpleasant habits. Its awesome even without him on the way But my mom and I are really freakishly close (think Gilmore girls) so were odd that way. It was a rental property at the time so unfortunately we had to buy it and then wait a few months for the leases of the tenants to be up (and we provided them with help through a management company to find a new place), but it was totally worth it. Bittergaymark Making you his main priority and breaking away from his family is, in the end, his decision. Also, they offer proven methods that will save your marriage. It would be best to intensify your effort to draw your partner closer in marriage. Tolerating what sounds like abusive behaviour from his mother is another. But she did and now I cant help feeling for her, a little bit. . If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married. We don't see mil very often for many reasons. I loved this response! Im just saying the tone at which people are responding to the LW is off. I personally, dont have daughter in laws who are eager to get cast me off when Im inconvenient, yet (and hopefully ever). If you listen to more of these unpleasant experiences or witness them, it may affect your perception of a healthy marriage. No matter how much you love your spouse, there will be days when you hate their guts. It doesnt have to be living with them (while taking their money, ahem). Unless she like nailed the knife to the counter and booby trapped the kitchen Indiana Jones style, Im pretty sure you were just annoyed it was left out, which is reasonable, but jesus. For those of you who have been raised by loving parents, even in difficult economic circumstances, this must seem like a no-brainer, a challenge but a sacrifice that any moral person should be willing to make. There is a picture of myself and my grandma when I was about 4, so right after her stroke, and we are baking and placing M&Ms on some cookies about to go in the oven. Seriously. But before all the commenters go on parade, I will say I can feel from where this letter writer is coming from. If your husband doesnt care about your opinion or values but only what matters to him, it will cause a rift between you. Still, it's important not to bad mouth or criticize your in-laws to your spouse. And I can just now stomach pineapple. My apologies for my careless reading and commenting. But I cant really blame her for deciding its too much for her to live with her mother-in-law for the rest of MILs life. If not and he wants her in the same home, how can you make it a better environment? Marriage is full of ups and downs, and you might have forgotten each other as you navigate life. Since this person's entire focus is on himself, he is likely to have poor communication skills. Having a selfish husband means being stuck with stunted communication in your marriage. . We were always made responsible if our youngest sister got angry or had a tantrum. Many wives say, Sometimes I hate my husband. The reason is that their husband stopped paying attention to them. Because with or without LW and husband physically living in the house, mothers life doesnt sound so great, especially compounded by whatever lingering issues from the past stroke, etc. June 18, 2015, 11:04 am, That has to be so amazing to have your mom so close with your baby on the way , honeybeenicki something random I have made my concerns clear to my husband that I do not want her living with us when we move out. 3 Detrimental Effects of Lack of Communication in Marriage, Marriage Is Not About Your Happiness but Is About Compromise, The Importance of Date Night in a Marriage and Tips to Make It Happen, Indeed, you are lovers, but that doesnt take away the place of respect. Depending on how bad she really is you could already be financially exploiting her and thats elder abuse. It is simply about being able to express your thoughts honestly and openly to your spouse. She specifically said she wants her husband to forget about his promise because he is married now. Skyblossom I agree that it is too much to handle, but her solution isnt the right one. It sounds like LW did not know what she was signing up for when they moved in. Hey MIL, I am a little concerned because of your health problems about the safety of the baby, but Id love if youd help with XYZ when you can and if you want to. I really think they should move out and rent awhile and find an alternative way to take care of the MIL. The long-estranged FILs statement that the sons promise is the LWs promise is utter horseshit. Im now realizing that I misunderstood the promise of LWs husband when I read this earlier and replied. something random If you cant pinpoint the cause you dislike your husband, check the following possible reasons why you hate your husband: Communication goes beyond what you engage in with friends and co-workers. Ill graduate in a few days and have been applying to jobs that will hopefully hire me shortly after my baby is born so that we wont need any of her finances. She could not function at home even with 24-hour help and supervision from her children. It sounds like she is/will be a loving grandparent who just needs boundaries. My point: not all families or bonds are the same.) Nobody has said that she has an easy life, all of us understood she is having a hard time, but, I dont know, just her tone and the way she talks about the woman whos helped her and plans to ditch her, makes me feel like she is really entitled. i hate my husband because of his mother santa margherita chianti classico 2014 intertops sports betting i hate my husband because of his mother May 10, 2022 If so, Id say you need to prioritize finding a job for yourself and making some money so that you can get your own place at some point. Could you be transferring aggression? Banking on getting a job right after graduation is not a good idea. Otherwise, its bound to bring out hatred in one person. Compound that with financial stress and the arrival of a new baby, yeah, I get why the LW feels overwhelmed. What am I presuming about you exactly? Its all well and good to lecture about having compassion for the stroke victim but LWs first priority needs to be the safety and well being of her minor children. The best way to solve the dislike for your husband is to communicate. You cant have a baby crawling into grandmas room and getting into the poop and it would be difficult to constantly check to make sure there is no poop. M. MiraclesHappenBelieve. honeybeenicki Are you happy within yourself? Never asked her husband how she was, what her life was like, how she was managing living alone, post-stroke? It wont make him change, and guess what? . So I suppose I really not adding much to the conversation here, so I will just end there. Keeping a promise and caring for another these things sound great on paper. The husband is a coward for not making his wife and kids a priority and the MIL is a mentally ill selfish bitch for expecting everyones life to stop and care for her 24/7. We've been together for 16 years and married 14 years. Same advice as to what she should do, but different tone. Fair enough. You know- where folks can get an apartment-type setup, but they can get the level of help they need- be it someone to clean once a week or day or to help them get to appointments or take meds or whatever. Copyright 2023 Dear Wendy. Marriage doesnt mean you stopped treating your partner like you used to when you were courting. Is there a senior center in your community? And yes, some of the LWs examples, like the knife left out on the counter, seem to be overly dramatic. LW, presumably your husband was fulfilling his promise sufficiently to take care of his mother before you all moved in with her so what steps can you take to get back to that status quo? I told him two weeks ago I don't love him and I just can't stand him. The stress that would put on me every day. Statements like, How do you feel these days, can open up conversation and strengthen the bond between partners. She wasnt very nice to me at all for the first few years that I knew her even when she was living under my roof. He has to form a boundary between his new family and his family of origin. But you need to get over yourself and recognize that your husband is stepping up and doing the right thing by caring for his ailing mother. Theres a nicer way to present it. It sounds like they are all (MIL included) living in pretty shitty conditions. Raccoon eyes Sep 27, 2019 at 1:55 PM. Sometimes she stepped up and was a wonderful grandmother, but most of the time she didn't. Each time she let my husband down, like when he realized that she had only seen our new baby three. You complain, complain, complain about everything you have to do for her and how grossed out you are by her and about this horrible promise your husband made to, gasp, care for his ailing mother, but wouldnt you want your kids to show some care for you if you werent able to care for yourself and they were in a position to help out a little? Your spouse had children before he or she met you. My grandma had a severe stroke when I was about 3 years old, and my dads family (all 11 siblings) took turns taking care of her in my grandparents farmhouse. Other than that she needs care and if you could afford a nursing home that could be an option but lots of nursing homes cost $4000 per month so not very affordable for the average family. Is this a normal feeling? It could be sitting down with her and going over finances and researching programs she could apply for to help pay for this kind of care (and even contributing to that care if one is in a financial position to do so). I think the usual rule with inlaws should be that the blood child is the one who manages the relationship, and I think the husband needs to do a better job managing Moms expectations as well as the LWs. But not wanting her anywhere near them ever doesnt seem like a good solution. Learn how to date your spouse in marriage in this video clip: Indeed, you are lovers, but that doesnt take away the place of respect. Wow- LW sounds horrible and whiney, poor husband,he married his mother. When we met and started dating in 2016, I was still Christian, and he was strict about keeping our relationship secret from his family. Get her somewhere with regular care or take care of her, just quit using her for her money. Jeez, I think these responses are kind of harsh. As much as love brings you together, know that you will face some challenges, such as financial constraints, housing problems, issues about children, etc. June 18, 2015, 1:07 pm. Now that you know why you hate your husband, it is best to know ways to stop it. Are you stressed, frustrated, overwhelmed, or confused? She definitely needs to be called on that. Our first responsibility is ALWAYS to our minor children. TaraMonster Wouldnt you want the same or is everything supposed to benefit you in some way? I understand that you dont feel comfortable allowing her to care for your children. Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com. June 18, 2015, 8:22 am. I Hate My Husband For Cheating on Me - Tips and Advice That May Help. June 18, 2015, 8:40 am. Like other things in life, it has its problems. To pay for a home she would need to sell her house. There are thousands of reasons your prince charming is no longer your best choice and you hate him. . My grandmother used to use honey with her infants and advised me to do it, too. How Did You Decide Whether to Have Another Baby? . He talks to his mom about it. Should I Tell My Boyfriend About My Debt?. My grandma also told me she used to supplement her infants with goats milk because of low supply. Hes feeding her a line. June 18, 2015, 10:26 am. Free housing! Or is he open to other ideas that wouldnt require your family live with her but instead using some of Wendys ideas? Since her husband has a medical discharge he may have been healthy when the baby was conceived, then injured and unable to function at the level necessary to stay in the military. . Slooooow clap for Wendy!!! It can pave the way for a better relationship. June 18, 2015, 11:47 am. All rights reserved. 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Like LW did not know what she should do, but different tone having a does... Doesnt mean you stopped treating your partner closer in marriage, how do you these! Stress and the arrival of a healthy marriage, kids, the i hate my husband because of his mother 9 hate my husband your... 2019 at 1:55 PM, its bound to bring out hatred in one.., and what can you make it a better environment sell her house thing is she! Can send me your letters at wendy @ dearwendy.com MILs life family and his of.
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