short funny affirmations short funny affirmations

Effective pushing often involves poop. 222. Learn sign language, its very handy. 102. 69. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. You can also share them with your co-workers to put a smile on their faces. 213. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? Life is becoming easier and less serious. I am wise enough to make the same mistake again!, 8. 168. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short., See also: 120 Inspiring Wednesday Morning Blessings To Motivate You. With a cowculator. 88. 197. Sam Levenson. If you just want to keep reading, then heres some affirmations about the funny side of friendship. You can be positive and yet be funny and easy-going. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. 193. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor. I did not trip and fall. 212. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. 79. God's promises are here to give you perfect peace, good news, renew your strength and reveal the will of God in your life. This is the beauty of funny affirmations. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. 4. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. Whether its because of a bad breakup or just feeling really down, there are ways to look on the bright side and come out on top. 39. Your email address will not be published. - Unknown. 15. 49. Not everyone has good taste., 3. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Dont forget that you get 24 hours, even on your worst day. Youll probably grin or laugh if you say these affirmations aloud, thinking youre crazy. Bill Murray, 260. I am lazy till I get a motive. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. I am on a seafood diet. 38. Quotes To Inspire You (MLK), 80 Life Gets Better Quotes To Brighten Your Day (Hope), 50 Bad Luck Quotes When You Feel Ill-Fated. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. 204. Once you're feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. 74. 159. It equates "weight loss" with thoughts like: I can. They log in. 109. 116. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. Good morning! Enjoy! I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! 234. "A moment of patience in a moment of anger saves you a hundred moments of regret. I did it! 205. 185. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. Best friends eat your food. 174. Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. Share them with your friends and colleagues and make them smile too. You deserve it! Rodney Dangerfield. I am confused between what I like the most hanging out or posting that I hung out. Theres life without Facebook and internet? Albert King. 36. I dont need excuses, because I never mess things up. At night, I cant fall asleep. 92. Funny Wednesday Work Quotes. Thats what youre called when you dont have a job. 167. 159. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. You can write them down and use them whenever you're attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. Lily Tomlin 172. 144. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. My mood swings keep life interesting. 33. 198. 66. But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? Edward A. Murphy. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. 130. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. For beginners who still struggle with letting their voice out, I recommend starting with funny affirmations that will relax you and make you laugh. 152. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 -9 years, you can believe in yourself for at least 5 minutes. Bill Murray, 251. Being funny seems to be taking less effort. These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. 196. 97. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? 1. Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up. I can believe in myself for 5 minutes. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. 123. Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you steal from many, its research. I dont cross oceans for people who wouldnt cross puddles for me. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. 117. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. 127. 100 Funny Christmas Quotes. 153. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. I enjoy every minute of it. If youre looking for a way to brighten your day and amp up your attitude, youve come to the right place. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if you're one of them (I bet you are), you're going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm.I'm sure you've heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily.They are a powerful to. Watch popular content from the following creators: Maaryfairyy(@maaryfairyy), Jasmines Garden(@jasminesgarden23), Dazley(@dazzlemeup), JaySean(@jaysean), Nathalie Munoz(@nathaliemunozx3) . Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. The most important aspect is being honest with yourself and opting for a meaningful statement. 199. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. I never apologize. 214. When and How to Let Them Know, How To Cheer Yourself Up When Feeling Down, 5 Things To Discuss With Your Partner Before Marriage, Funny Positive Affirmations For Self-Esteem, 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams, 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. See more ideas about sarcastic, funny quotes, funny. Ive collected 90 funniest affirmations from different sources on the web that will help you start a day in a positive manner. 139. Shoot for the moon. 67. This is a snap. 155. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. 36. If I am willing to go back to bed when I wake up, I will go and make up the bed. 216. What do computers eat for a snack? I intend to live forever. 173. 59. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer., 10. Choose words that make you feel confident about yourself. 18. 153. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. Dont forget to drink water and get some sun. 124. -Katrina Bowden. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. Send me the link. 222. Heres some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. Because he was always spotted. Pardon me, I have 6 pounds of boneless mass to get rid of. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. 224. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Frances McDormand, 42. 145. Whether youre saying the affirmations aloud or writing them down, laughing along will only strengthen their effect. You need some sort of way to offset the inevitable stressors of life, and what better way to do that than with humor? 75. Microchips. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. 111. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. It changes your perception and these short positive affirmations have a way of changing the way you look at yourself and feel more confident. 257. 188. Laughter keeps us from taking life too seriously, and life certainly does everything it can to ensure that we take it too seriously. 18. 25. 214. 122. If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. 8. Also read: 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams. Honolulu, its got everything. When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. 32. They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. But you can always be immature. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor., 4. Funny Affirmations. 25. I am not only pretty but also pretty awesome, pretty smart, and pretty kind. "Once you choose hope, anything's possible.". You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. I am so f*cking awesome. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. Today, I look at my goals. How do trees access the internet? I am strong and getting stronger every day. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks., 3. Find a short calm and peaceful moment in your day and use it for setting your mindset up for happiness. 158. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. 276. I am fine. Im amusing and make the people around me happy. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. Boost your ego and narcissism in as little as 5 minutes per day and set yourself up for success. 65. 115. "You're in mint condition for a vintage model. Every day I become calmer and do more good for the world. Yeah, so is a grenade. But you're not as old as you're going to be.". Consider what you want to accomplish using these witty affirmations, and go for the ones that will bring you closer to that goal. Hence, avoid using past or future tenses. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. Unit #2007 Mahwah, NJ 07430, 50 Funny Affirmations for Confidence, Motivation, and Self-Love, 39 Movies about Friendship and Being with Great People, Relationship OCD: Symptoms, Causes, and How to Treat, 45 Best Hobbies for Couples to Share Together, 51 Passion Project Ideas & Examples List for 2023, 21 Best Films That Explore Mental Illness, 41 Words of Encouragement for Someone in Jail, The 5 Best Vitamins for Anxiety (Our 2023 Review), 101 Toxic People Quotes to Stay Away from Negativity, 57 Strong Mom Quotes About Being a Powerful Parent, 7 Steps to Deal with Emotionally Unavailable Parents, 35 Best Songs About What Its Like to Have Anxiety. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. Hi! I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. Its scary when it disappears. 184. If you're going to be thinking, you may as well think big. They planet. Steven Alexander Wright Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. 261. I dont worry about getting older. As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. 180. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash. In between, I am alive. 266. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut. "I receive what I believe.". Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. 206. 1. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. 1. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. 256. I don't entertain negativity in any shape or form. - Billie Burke. 148. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. Begin your days with these powerful, funny affirmations for self-esteem. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. Being funny increase people's tendency to connect with you and talk to you. 35. I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. 46. Yeah, so is a grenade. 1. 1. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash., 9. 229. 20. Benjamin Franklin Im not running away from hard work, Im too lazy to run. 8. Life gives the test first and then the lesson. Related Post: 201 Awesome Short Inspirational Quotes About Life. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. No, but April may. In between, I am alive. 277. I could agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. Stuart Turner, 247. Allow your body to absorb the positivity of your words by repeating them to yourself. I will not let my mind be a bully to my body. I am on a seafood diet. 177. Laughter brings me closer to people. My funny vibes attract my funny tribe., 3. This is a good thing because affirmations are supposed to be associated with happiness and positive emotions. 144. 274. Any text will do. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. People wait all week for Friday, all year for summer, all life for happiness. Amidst all the stress, anxiety and worries, a smile can help you brighten your day. George Burns First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. About Us | Privacy Policy | Terms | Contact 2023 Quotement. 138. Perhaps youre just starting to use affirmations and still cant take yourself seriously. 184. 154. Mental Style Project has been created as an outlet to guide you as you navigate through life, with the right tools and resources that will upgrade your life, enable you to take charge of your personal growth, and improve your wellness journey. And, it doesnt have to be hard or complicated! I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. Allow yourself to laugh if you feel the need. Today I will embrace the poop. 105. I honor that time. Every time you are able to find some humor in a difficult situation, you win., 5. I accept my body the way it is today. Friends buy you food. 7. 27. 1. Life is always easier with some humor, smiles, laughter and fun. "If you see me talking to myself. 183. I make a difference by showing up fully. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. I tell you what always catches my eye. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. New year, new me. 175. 74. To conclude this list of funny affirmations, heres a few that are specifically focused around work. 24. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. I feel great. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. Short Positive Affirmations set the pace for your day. 190. Take some time each day to go through these funny affirmations for self-esteem and see how your mood shifts in response. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. 77. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. The following is the list of some humorous affirmations for you: I am doing all the amazing things because I am an amazing human being. 128. Then you stand in front of the mirror, take a deep breath in, open your mouthwait, this is funny. Rodney Dangerfield, 198. 270. Life begins on Friday night. 103. 236. 95. Who says nothing is impossible? I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people., 5. Affirmations can either be written down, spoken out loud, or visualized in the form of a conversation between money and you. Why was six scared of seven? I live in a loving, nurturing, safe, and beautiful world. 268. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. A quote to live by for when life gets bitter. I receive what I believe. Let me gather my thoughts and crush this Monday., 15. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. My windows arent dirty, my dog is painting. Robert A. Heinlein, 243. "We . 157. 19. Using humor can help you bridge the gap and empower you to believe in affirmations and their outcome. Remember that the effects of affirmations are no laughing matter, so make sure your voice is heard. 226. My jokes do. 188. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me., 14. 146. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full., 11. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Not only can laughter improve our problem-solving skills, but it can also help battle various diseases. 22. 9. Decomposing. We have a connection. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. I just go normal from time to time. I could agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny. Decomposing. 245. 101. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. You can use affirmations to alleviate pressure in highly stressful scenarios, like taking an exam or going to a job interview. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. How Do People Share The News About Their Engagements? I am Ananya, a professional speaker and I love motivating people and inspiring them to pursue their dreams. What is Mozart doing right now? Youre basically a houseplant with complicated emotions., 11. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. Why did the can crusher quit his job? P.D. 217. How do you count cows? But it'll move up again.". Its called tomorrow. Never judge a book by its movie. 105. 155. In the morning, I cant get up. 14. Never take life seriously. The best things in life are free. You dont have to be crazy to be my friend, but it helps. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits. 249. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. I will tell the negative voice inside my head to shut up. How do trees access the internet? 150. But then again so does . Short Funny Affirmations. 120. 9. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. 163. 23. "It's going to be hard, but hard does not mean impossible.". Discover short videos related to funny affirmations on TikTok. 178. So, you promise yourself from tomorrow on, youll be starting your days using affirmations. Fortunately, theres a way to reap the benefits of these powerful statements by giving them a humorous twist. 227. Chris Rock Remember, no one can make you feel anything other than what YOU allow yourself. Funny Positive Affirmations For Work. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. 98. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. Its okay, he woke up. Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. Life does a pretty good job of keeping us stressed and worried, we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. - Donald Trump. 84. I will go out. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. Funny Daily Affirmations. You may think youll never get over it, but you will, and youll be fine., 7. 227. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. - Jack London. I always find something funny in every situation. Your actions become your habits. Why cant you trust an atom? I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for!, 13. Affirmations can be written in a journal, spoken out loud, or visualized as a conversation between you and money. Wouldnt exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. grateful. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. Everyone brings happiness to this office. After all, laughter is a universal way to express yourself. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. Short people with an umbrella. Bill Murray My future is a golden, sparkly, explosion of fucking awesomeness. Stay focused and consistent, and youll start noticing the healing powers of humor and fun. 61. Start your day on a positive and lighter note with these funny daily affirmations and quotes to get you through. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today., 12. Thank God Im an atheist. 160. 193. They are a powerful tool you can use to change your attitude, your perspective on life and shift from a negative to a positive mindset. I am constantly growing and improving. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? Flip Wilson For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. I tried, but they wanted cash. "Who you are inside is what helps you make and do everything in life". Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. 219. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours. 201. Here, we are listing down some awesome funny positive affirmations that will bring out serious positive changes in you. Daily affirmation: your hair is so much better than it was in middle school., 2. Bill Murray Oh sheet! If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. Even if youre a skeptic, you must admit these funny affirmations really work. 273. When you feel terrified (without your safety being in danger): 5. People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. Socrates. Every one of my colleagues brings happiness into the office. 3. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. I love my kids, which means I am doing just fine. Never take life seriously. 88. This might be a work in progress, or you might need to remind yourself of how funny you actually are. 54. 31. I might go home today, but I will go bigger tomorrow. Bill Murray 64. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. HAM AND EGGS A days work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig. 140. - Unknown. Rather, the goal is to help kids recognize the truth, in situations and in themselves. 26. Erma Bombeck. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. Looking for positive funny affirmations? Pat Sajak Emphasis on the cool. Say "Thank you" - A Motivational Video On The Importance Of GratitudeIntro Speech by Denzel Washington (Commencement Speech)Main speech by Fearless Soul "Tha. 26. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. Helen Giangregorio. Then, think about how easy it would be to say a simple statement to yourself throughout the day. 252. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me., 12. 166. Your email address will not be published. Make the statements about yourself and for yourself. I get up, dress up, and show up. We'll get to that later. East I dont want to fix my spending habits. 60. I stick to things until I get to my destination. 112. Ive made it from the bed to the couch. 26. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. I'm having a staff meeting.". 8. Use them throughout the day whenever you experience negative thoughts. 45. Good morning! Please do your own research before making any online purchase. Positive Daily Affirmations for Women. Sometimes these surprises are way too spectacular and sometimes way too tragic. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny., 4. 93. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. Which affirmation put a smile on your face? 10. And a funny bone. Nothing, they just waved. - Bob Hope. 7. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. I am enough. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. And their purpose certainly isn't to minimize hard feelings. Think about all the things you're struggling with in your life. I like expensive things because I learn the act of taking care from them. Groucho Marx. You never run out of things that can go wrong. Exercise? Bill Murray It has features that are distinctive and make me who I am. 80 Soren Kierkegaard Quotes On Love, Life And Philosophy, Top 90 Martin Luther King Jr. And a funny bone. Walking into a room and then forgetting why I am here is my daily cardio. Check out our funny affirmations selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. What doesnt kill you makes your drinks stronger., 10. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? 62. Honolulu, its got everything. Milton Berle Before using these amusing affirmations, you should believe in your sense of humor. I am so worthy so that I am filling the life of people with fun and joy. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. No, but April may. I bet giraffes dont even know what farts smell like. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? 52. Edward A. Murphy The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. I dont suffer from insanity. But sometimes affirmations may not work. What do I do for a living? To thrive in life you need three bones. 169. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me., 8. 73. We all have those days when we feel like the world is coming to an end. "Don't let anyone ever dull your . Ill keep going forward even if my pants tear off. And get over it. It just plain forms. 230. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. 63. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. Following my intuition and my heart keeps me safe and sound.