Let me unpack these three insights for you. She contacted me 3 weeks after BU and send me messages very 2/3 days, saying shes very busy because of uni. I want to be able to communicate. Breaking up is the toughest phase of ones life, especially when you and your partner have known each other for a long time. Even though she went their things were actually going pretty well between her and me for a month, until she started meeting new people and I started feeling the need for her time, because of which we had arguments and where she ended up breaking up with me, rather she said we may come back in a relationship after her 1-year master or 3-5 years down the line, she further said that she wants to be friends with me and doesnt wanna end up talking. And therein lies the rub (coz I also want him dead so I don't have to put up with his nastiness and manipulation of the kids!). Look at how you are being treated and ask yourself if staying friends with your ex really matters right now. Sometimes an ex wants to keep you nearbysimply because you two have become so close, and the bond that exists between you is too precious to just throw away. By purposefully putting yourself in the friend zone you are adding more time to your sentence. At some point she said being on the phone is too much for her, we need to cut it down. Before I actually start diving in and answering this question Id like to lecture for a little bit. As soon as I left him alone and gave no contact, he started to reach out. I asked him if we could meet and talk as I hoped to get closure. If you can bear all of it and do not mind being friend-zoned, then it is all good. 1. As Im sure youve understood, this article is principally about getting back together. We both agree Im taking a gamble, a stupid gamble that after reading articles and articles look like it doesnt work lol but Im still here. How do you think I should go about this cause Im stuck. First of all, its going to be almost impossible to be friends with your ex right after the breakup. This is great" you think to yourself. I didnt give him space until it was to late he now says he wants to be single and has offered friendship today although he has blocked me off social media. Dear Linda, My Ex wants to be friends again. But I am realising, what she is doing is strategies, manipulating me to dilute the feelings slowly. Remember, its when he is ready to be friends, and not you! If something naturally happens then it happens. The following two tabs change content below. That means the fear of loss, anxiety I was feeling around her behaviour is true. What Can I Do? She told me I dont really know what to respond But I like your new whatsapp picture it is very nice, have a nice day, I took 4 days to respond that, I told her Hey, thanks for liking my profile pic, keep in touch and have a nice day. Your ex changed his attitude toward you because he no longer feels smothered. Sussman also says there are potential downsides to staying friendly with an ex. There Is One Case Where Purposefully Friend Zoning Yourself Is Recommended. Feelings can still exist. Remove yourself from the equation, no wants wants the safety / 3rd string QB. 4. Why Your Ex Would Want To Be Friends With You For Emotional Support. With 30 years of experience in the field, she provides therapy for couples and individuals - young and mature. There are however universal attributes every person in this world finds attractive. I really love her, and it is a pity how she is breaking us up this way. Its manipulative and I know it would hurt even if a little. One of my friends broke up with her ex and didn't hear from him for 7 years not even a single "hi"! I didnt beg for him to stay or anything. You will be way too needy and want your ex like crazy. Throughout the next 2 weeks I didnt contact him, he kept calling asking to speak to my son only promising him a phone so that he wouldnt have to call mines. Take Note Of Any Current Relationships. Depending on the reasons behind your breakup, you need to analyze the feasibility of a friendship with your ex. Scroll down for six real-life stories from women who are still friends with their exes, whether for the sake of the kids or out of respect for the love they once shared, then head to the comments and tell us what your relationship is like with your ex today. Hi, would really be grateful to have some advice. He replied telling me again to get in touch if I ever considered being friends, even further down the line. For your ex maybe there is no ambiguity but for you its simply a way to get closer and to stay in contact. On one hand, I hoped I would get him back, on the other hand, it broke me when he suggested me to consider one of our mutual friends. According to the poll 51% of people have. You want to be his treasure, NOT his toy; so stop hitting him up. Related Articles: If you relate to this, read on as we tell you the answers to this and other questions. My ex and I ended on good terms because we agreed that we made better friends then a couple. Perhaps the best part about all of this is that everything Im going to talk about today has been backed up by research or my own personal experience helping couples after a breakup. The less drama the better for everyone involved.. Accepting your exs friendship and turning up the neediness is never going to work. And if you are in a serious relationship, it is always better to loop your partner in on the little developments on the ex-front. We just broke up in November. This information is for educational purposes only and not a substitution for professional health services. In the heat of the moment, we all say things that we dont mean or regret later. All of that has been erased as quickly as you can say whoops. You best mind your manners, Sutton. BUT we've got 3 kids together. 4. So I was with my boyfriend for a year and a half, 6 months into it I broke up with him because he didnt seem to care about me (he said he did but his actions did) eventually we got back together as he said hell change etc now a year later Im smarter and wiser and realised that all we have thats good is in the friendship box, no intimacy no partnership just good conversation. First of all, forgive yourself for wanting to move on. We loved. What does it mean when your ex wants to be friends? I am not going to talk to her at all.". . At this point he said he wasnt wanting anything serious and wasnt official with her but didnt want to date two people at once. One of the biggest reasons that exes see one another again is that they have to get things back from each other. Guys, in particular, are afraid of being put in that dark hole when they start liking a girl. People were jumping all over him and talking about how attractive he was, that they wanted to sleep with him Etc. I also feel guilty, because sure Id like her back but rn I have to focus on building a foundation from the ground up. Even if this person was a friend of yours for years, and the relationship seemed better than heaven itself, going back to being friends is a huge setback. It can be a hard (but not impossible!) You are merely stating that this is how much youre prepared to give to a person who doesnt see you as an equal. How Does The Dumper Feel After A Month Of No Contact? Every person will have a different hierarchy. He said he didnt plan on dating for months or even years. Staying friends with your ex has absolutely no positive benefits. Normally when an ex comes back, he comes back for something. Said could we be friends and just speak now and then. Hi Reese, you need to follow a No Contact where you no longer speak to him, because he is not helping you or himself at this point calling you to talk all the time. Stocksy / Jovo Jovanovic. I just want to be able to be "friendly". Whether thesituation is making you happy or making you feel anxious, you dont really know what to do so youre going to have to put things into perspective before you act. 2 weeks after we broke up, I found out that he started to date someone that dented our relationship during the six years because they were talking and being flirty with each other. Subliminally, your partner or your ex-partner look for things that will help them grow and get the most out of their life. This person is very bad for your health, which is why you must build up your self-esteem and see her for the person she is. This time, not answering the phone and for sure shutting him down. How to let go of an ex who wants to be friends? If you are reeling from the shock of the breakup, it does not make sense to befriend the person who led to those feelings. How to find yourself after a breakup with these pro tips! People respond to breakups in many different ways. What would you advise me to do? We chit chat a little bit and I asked her out. I dont want to hang out with someone who acts cold & we never did a decent no contact This is not the case, but if you are thinking about going back into a relationship with an ex then be cautious as there may be some pitfalls to . I dated a girl for 6 months. Todd Williamson/Bravo via Getty. Friends with benefits shouldnt be that hard to grasp, should it? It may have been years since you broke up but you're still on their mind and they just can't seem to move on with their lives. Other slightly less important ones are emotional stability, conscientiousness, sense of humor, intelligence, emotional sensitivity, vulnerability, kindness, authenticity, compassion, generosity, humility, bravery, money. Dr. Margaret Ann Dixon is a psychologist in private practice in the state of Nevada, USA. Set boundaries if you consider being friends with them so that it would not affect your current or future relationships. Well me and my girlfriend weve been dating for around 3 years. I say this not to be controversial but to help you understand why your ex wants to be friends with you after a breakup. The type of smearing ranges in severity. Im trying to talk to other people but it makes me feel like shit because I have my heart set on him and all the things we talked about and letting that go is hard. Why Would Your Ex Want To Be Friends With You For Physical Support? In most cases it is possible to get back with an ex when you have a positive attitude and outlook. Your exe's friends and family try to convince you to talk to them. My ex broke up with me recently, but will contact me once a week. Does he get off on hurting me? What Is My Ex Thinking And Feeling In No Contact? The complete step by step guide to get back together with an ex! Twice on his part and once on mine. He told me from the beginning he wanted to stay friends. After 2 years of crap, being friends with ex is not on my list. If you have a partner, think of them as well. and I want her in the same way. She was a little bit rude with me. Agreeing to be friends is worse than hell. Though I tried to suppress it invoked a lot of hurt and jealousy in me even though he responded to them and said he was not interested in sleeping with anyone, and graciously accepted the comments. My ex husband was not ready for the real world consequences of leaving his marriage so he had been moving slowly. That's not the only problem. She put me on a slow ride of secretively killing our relationship while we are still together and I am doing all I can (even being very sick and a difficult phase of my personal/professional life). Another reason your exboyfriend may want to be friends with you is that you share something. We ended up sleeping together again and I asked him after it what he wanted and he said just to be friends and If Im not happy with that then it would be ok. When he offers you that friendship months down the road after the breakup, put your guard up. Perhaps they thought they would be with someone soon after the breakup. Accepting this offer is a sign of appallingly low self-esteem and confidence. And well over 20 million men and women have visited my websites and a good segment of them have asked me questions. For some people their family may be more trusted than their friends. You have to be careful with the friend zone so I suggest a coaching session. 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